S U C K S !

Section 2: Response to Guestbook Stuff

Well, this was a page I had intended to do for a while. A lot of people, whether they liked the page or not, said a few things I really wanted to respond to, but since I'm too lazy to sign the guestbook every time someone else does, or actually e-mail anyone, I'm picking a few pieces here and there, and saying my own little stuff for them. No names or email addies will be posted here, as they're already in the guestbook, and that's a lot of typing.... There won't be complete entries here , as it will usually just be the sentence or two I'm responding to. Like I said, that's a lot of typing....

*UPDATED* April 20, 2000

1. "(The word IS HELLA, not HELLUVA!)"

I usually don't like being corrected, but this is obviously a guy who's never seen a "Mr. T vs. X" page, so it's excusable...

2. "I believe Metallica were kidnapped in 1990, not in 1992 as you stated."

Dammit... I wish he wouldn't have said that, because now I feel like going back and changing the page...

3. "You might want to add the quote Lars "Sissypants" Ulrich said in "Cliff 'em All" when he was screaming "FUCK MTV!#$ WE'LL NEVER DO A VIDEO#!"...it'd make a perfect addition to your intro with the James quote. :)"

Heh... Good suggestion... I actually DID change the page for that one...

4. "Metaqllica rules u suck cock "

I must say something for each part of this moron's sad attempt at a compound sentence: 1: Who the hell is "Metaqllica"? 2: You wish...

5. "Congratulations-I have a new favorite Mr.T vs. page! Although Unicron is a close second."

Is it just me, or does everyone like Mr. T vs. Unicron but me? Wierd...

6. "Any one who thinks Metallica sold out isn't a true Metallica fan. Metallica is about the music, I am a bass player who respects Metallica for what they do, not what they look like. Its not about trying to be somebody, its about being yourself and being proud of that, the true sell outs are those that try to keep an image to fit into a croud."

This guy obviously hasn't seen or heard Metallica in many, many years... Metallica are the ones who adopted a new image to fit in with a crowd that had become more popular than their old one, which is MUCH worse than pulling a Manowar and staying the same to fit in. And as you said, it's all about the music, which is the main reason for a sellout accusation. Simply put, I disrespect Metallica for what they do, not what they look like.

7. "A band cant stay the same forever. If they did, they would suck even more ass."

True, (I'll spare you another Manowar reference) but changing into a stale, boring band for marketing purposes is even worse.

8. "Christ is your fate!Will he be your saviour or your judge??Hades is a place of weeping and gnashing of teeth!Turn to CHRIST today!Hail KING JESUS(KING of kings and LORD of lords)"

Um... What the hell does this have to do with the page?

9. "I am begining to think that metallica WAS taken by aliens or somthing....and that Cliff Burton is rolling in his grave right now (even though he was cremated) :)"

Dammit! I have to change the page again!

10. "oo oo oo AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! ooo o ooo oo aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! Me Hungry Me Want Banana my am able jump to tree to tree oo oo my wear hat take money with musik me dance for you come to me shop in street master say faster mr bananas faster master hit me with hat and take me money my sad i butt itch scratch scratch scratch i finger smell my find lady monkey me jump on lady monkey master hit i hurt master jump on lady monkey my like master when master sleep time i take money i eat money money taste good ok i love you bye bye "

(Insert five minutes of uncomfortable silence here)

11. "Hilarious!!! You should write for SNL...this is the funniest thing I've seen in ages!! "

Heh... I don't know if I'd be very good at it, but as anyone who's seen Saturday Night Live in the last few years can tell you, they could seriously use some help...

12. "and i take by sayin 'tallica has been frozen since '91 that you hate load, re-load, & garage inc. you suck if u hate garage inc."

Well... Disk two of Garge Inc. was pretty good, but most of it was made in Metallica's pre-glam period, anyway. (Something a shocking number of people don't realize. MTV kids usually aren't familiar with what they can't find at Wal-Mart, I suppose...) As for disk one... Well... Let's just say that for a while last week, I considered peeing on disk one... No joke... And for the record, I hated the Black Album, as well...

13. "Too bad if Metallica was near you, you wouldnt talk shit about them, cause you know they would kick your ass back to faggot land."

Initial responce to this one: Ah-hahahahahahahahahaha!
Semi-intelligent responce: Personally, I kinda think Metallica wouldn't give a damn about anything this page said. They probably aren't stupid enough to think it's anything other than a joke (like you), and I doubt they really care what anyone thinks, judging by their complete disregard for detractors and fans alike. And I must say, I sincerely hope they would kick my ass, seeing as there's four of them and one of me. If they all jumped me and lost, it would be a sad thing, indeed. Of course, not to brag, but one on one, I'm certain I could easily take any of them, except maybe Hetfield, but that's another story... As with most of these negative letters I recieve with similar subject matter, the "faggot land" comment is obviously a blatantly homophobic comment, meant to hide your repressed sexual desires for Kirk Hammett. You must be under a great deal of stress holding back such feelings. My advice is for you to free your mind, come out of the closet, and who knows, you may even have a chance with Kirk, as long as Lani doesn't find out about it.
Childish responce: By "faggot land," do you mean your house? Not to insult you, but I'm only attracted to women. Nothing personal, man.

14. "MetallicA Fuckin rocks, even they're new stuff, but the old shit ROCKS ASS, but man, get real, MmmBop and Country, that's damn insulting so watch yo' damn mouth before you get yourself in trouble."

Hmm... Capitalizing the last A, and defending the group only with the argument that they "fuckin rock." How stereotypical can one get? The "rocks ass" comment sounds llike he's calling them homosexuals, but I won't go there, as this is (supposedly) a family page. As for the "Mmm-Bop" reference, that was a JOKE, and if you get insulted by a JOKE aimed at someone else, you really should stay away from any page that may contain JOKES therein. (I must emphasise the joke part, heh) As for country... Um... Have you heard "Mama Said," or any of the interviews where Metallica members come right out and say that it's a country song? The last part was hilarious. He uses ebonics to try and get his feeble point across (Mr. T is the only one who can speak like that and not sound stupid, heh), which is the best way to kill any argument. Then, he talks about me being in trouble, as if Metallica is going to come kick my ass... Well... If they hated the page so much, why is the OFFICIAL Metallica online store always bugging me to put their banners on my page, so they can give me free shirts and stuff? Another post that gave me a chuckle...

15. "IM BACK ME RETURN!!!! oo oo oo AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! ooo o ooo oo aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! Me Hungry Me Want Banana my am able jump to tree to tree oo oo my wear hat take money with musik me dance for you come to me shop in street master say more me fuck slut faster mr bananas faster master hit me with hat and take me money my sad i butt itch scratch scratch scratch i finger smell my find lady monkey me jump on lady monkey master hit i hurt master jump on lady monkey my like master when master sleep time i take money i eat money fuck slut lady in ass money eat lady ass pussy yummmmmm money taste good ok i love you bye bye me shall return now later ass poop!!!"

Just say no, kids.

16. "I think this is a pile of shit !!!!!!!!"

Actually, it's a web page...

17. "That was both totally lame and totally cool at the same time. Congratulations. You both suck AND rule."

This guestbook entry pissed me off AND made me happy. Hahahaha...

18. "You are a fuckin gay piece of shit Let Metallica do what the fuck they want who gives a fuck what they do. They have plenty of fans that will support them no matter what they choose to do. You fuckin cock lickin ass fuckin faggot. You ram your dads asshole while I ram your moms cunt. YOU FUCKIN FAGGOT ASS PIECE OF SHIT. Hey bitch y the fuck r u so gay? I bet your daddy was fuckin pissed off when you forgot to bring the KY home. It musta hurt that night huh?"

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. This guy got a little too pissed off, if you ask me. Ten bucks says the guy had tears in his eyes when he typed this one. And why do I have to "let" Metallica do what they want to do? Since when did I have any say in their affairs? As for the part about having fans that will support them, no matter what they do... You mean to tell me that you see nothing wrong with that? You see nothing wrong with caring for a band based on name alone, no matter how terrible the music gets? These people always tell me I "never was a true fan", but if you "like" a band without regards to the music, you're not a fan at all. As for the rest of the email... *Yawn* Ooh, you sure stunned me with your razor-sharp wit, you great mind, you! (sarcasm) Why is it that no one can argue about anything without it turning to a homophobic tirade? I'll tell you why: If you have absolutely no argument, and you have too small a mind to think of decent insults, shit like that happens. I wonder if people who write stuff like this really think they'e made some kind of point / scared me/ hurt my feelings / etc. Just a thought: This guy seems awful homophobic to be defending a bunch of guys who wear makeup and tight pants and prance around like interior decorators all the time. And I must say... Homosexuality-based insults are the lamest, easiest-to-think-up ones around, but no one can ever think of anything better than "you fuck your dad, you gay faggot," and stuff like that. It's a given that you have to be stupid to use this kind of insult, but to not be able to think of anything better than that probably means you ride the short bus to school... Thanks for the laugh, slapnuts.

19. "i was reading your responses to messages in your geustbook and i have 1 thing to say. i have every cd metallica has made and they all kick fuckin' ass. how can you say the black cover album sucks? its one of my favorite. i'll bet you haven't even listened to the whole thing. and garage inc kicks ass too. how can you critisize such a good cd?"

The Black Album simply wasn't that good. The lyrical content was severely lacking, the music was subpar at best, it was too slickly-produced (Bob Rock IS the devil...), and it was just a little too catchy, in a "I hope they'll play this on MTV" kind of way. It sounded like Skid Row had hired James Hetfield. For the record, I haved owned the CD for years and have listened to it many, many, many times. As for Gargae Inc., Disk Two was probably worth the $25 I paid for it, but Disk One suffered from the same disease as Load and Reload. James Hetfield cannot sing, they were hella-overproduced, the song selection wasn't that great, etc. For a more complete version of my feelings on Garbage Stink, uh, I mean Garage Inc. - go to this page.

20. "Have you sent MetallicA this page?"

Actually, no, but from what I can tell, some of their people have at least seen it. A few months ago, I got an email from Metallistore.com (or something like that, I think I deleted the email) offering a 15% commission to sell Metallica merchandise from my page. So either Metallica really CAN take a joke, or pretty soon, I'll get a letter from their lawyers forcing me to remove the page, because I wouldn't pimp their T-shirts for them. time will tell...


I bet it took you a whole 15 minutes to think up such a witty retort...

22. "dear mr.T, what the FUCK??? you're a fucking idiot, where do you come up with this BULLSHIT???? Metallica was, is, and will always be the best fucking band in the history of music of any kind....what the FUCK???"

Now, now... Calm down, children. Here's another example of an "everything that's wrong with the music buying public" person. This is the kind of fake "fan" who just buys the stuff because of the name on the CD, and not the music inside. Metallica "always will be" the best? So, I guess if they put out an album that sounded like Korn with banjos you'd still like them?

23. "I'm a little teapot short and stout, turn me over and pour me out."

Good point...

24. "Screw you fools for using billy ray cyrus he sucks shit For whom the bell tolls your next"

Well, seeing as Metallica did a country song, and does stuff like covering Oasis, Billy Ray Cyrus covers aren't that far-fetched. Also, that last part... Cyber-threats are the lamest thing since Star Trek conventions, and thinking a song lyric will scare me makes you officially a mongoloid. Congratulations.

25. "ok man, obviously there's no way to get you to change your view on Metallica, but they said their new album would be more like the old shit. so maybe that'll shut you up!!!! if you can ever get over the fact that Metallica HAVE changed and you can either sit and whine about it for the rest of your life or you can ACCEPT IT and LIVE ON!!!!! that's it. METAL UP YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Hahaha... In case you forgot, they also said Reload would sound like the older stuff. If Metallica was going to be more like the old days, they sure as hell wouldn't be collaborating with Limp Bizkit, and Lars wouldn't be talking about using samples in interviews... And when was I whining? This page is a JOKE. And about that last part... Metallica hasn't put out a "metal" album in nearly ten years, in case you didn't notice...

26. "I've come very VERY close to getting my ass kicked in my school for wearing my "Mettalica Sucks" T-shirt"

Well... I just printed up my own "Pantera Sucks" T-shirt, and I'll just have to see what happens...

27. "Top site my good man but go easy on metallica for they hath given both me and you numerous hours of musical entertainment"

Glad to know you like the page, but once again - past performance is no reason to tolerate it when a band becomes awful. I love Exhorder, but if they put out an album that sounds like Coal Chamber, they WILL be ridiculed, heh.

28. "i hope you werent cracking on metallica.....otherwise id have to kick your fuckin ass!!!"

Are ya gonna come through my screen, slapdick? Also... If you couldn't tell that I was cracking on Metallica with this page, you most likely rode a short bus to school...

29. "Well I think that maybe the old stuff is better but how long can a band play the same type of stuff over and over. Maybee all of the "hardcore fans" should stop living in the past and move on to a more mature tonally rich metallica, and find that their music has only got better, (with the exception of the overplayed black album)If you respond rather than giving an answer like your grammar sucks give a real response giving support to your views."

Actually, I gave A LOT of non-grammar related responses on the hate mail page... Anywho... When will you people realize that Metallica never played the same thing over and over? The first four albums all sounded like a different band. And the music hasn't gotten better. Kirk has lost all guitar playing ability, having had a wah wah pedal surgically attached to his foot, giving us boring, generic solos, and Lars has regressed into only knowing two drumbeats. (And let's face it... Even when Metallica was "good" Lars was barely even an average drummer.) And the main point: JAMES HETFIELD CAN NOT SING. He sounds like a comedian making fun of Chris Issacs. What we have here is boring pop music that sounds like Motley Crue with a distortion pedal. And just so you know, I'm not some lame, plastic-sword-toting Manowar fan out to protect "true metal," or something like that. If a band changes, fine. If Metallica had become a total gangta rap band, if they did it well, I'd be happy. But when a band changes to a style they are NO GOOD AT PLAYING, and seem to not so much show signs of it being all for money, as they do FLAUNT the change being all for money (I'll save you all the lawsuit references...), you have a band that BEGS to be ridiculed.

30. "ok, your a dork You do raise a few good points, though the though of metallica doing mmbob is shear blasphmey"

I may be a dork, but at least I can spell. Also, has anyone but me noticed that the newer stuff by Hanson is heavier than the newer stuff by Metallica?

31. "too mee you just sownd like a bytch that can only fiyt with werds. sometimes people aren't bitch-like and don't want to get into some "mature" intellectual debate. they just express their feelings and it's cool like that. and you, of course are afraid of these most-likely physically stronger people and have to be ,once again, bitchlike and criticise language skills cause you have no other way to react. what if that happened in real-life interaction? would you stand there and say "hey!, you didn't pronounce 'fuck' right"? and as for the grammar- is it not what people mean that counts? fuckyeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ps.please don't be a smart ass. and i hope you understand what i mean by 'bitch'."

This was in response to the first hate mail letter, and judging by the lack of English skills and him being so upset, it may be the same guy. Anyway. This seems to just be a whole internet tough-guy, "I can kick your ass" child's rant that's more hilarious than anything anyone's sent so far. Yes, I would say these things in person. I won't say anything in print that I won't say in person. As for "most likely physically stronger" people... I hate to stoop to this level, but I will now respond with my own tough guy statement. (my apologies to everyone I know) To beat you at your own game, you, my small friend, would most likely not say these things in person to me. I'm around 260 pounds, and not as much of that is fat as you would like to think. (Ugh, I feel like such a poseur for pointing that out now) However, I have been been blessed with the mental capabilities which allow me to respond intelligently and coherently, and not go into some "I could kick your ass" rant. That kind of stuff is unnecessary, unintelligent, and let's face it - just plain LAME. And intelligence wins over physicality in pretty much every way. You can be the biggest badass on the planet, but if you can't express yourself in words, you'll more than likely spend your entire life having a job with your name on your shirt. And yes... It is what they mean that counts. But the guy you're defending didn't really mean anything. He just shouted some foolish crap and insulted the appearance of someone he's never seen. Therefore, he is a moron. And I AM a smart-ass. I'm PROUD of being a smart-ass. By asking me not to be one, you just made it worse. And at least in my opinion, a true "bitch" is one who has to resort to violence, due to their inability to express themselves verbally.

More coming as soon as someone says something in the guestbook I want to respond to...