Hey man,

S u c k s !

UPDATE: 11/09/99: 1 negative, 1 positive

A few things I need to make clear, though:
1. Your email address will NOT be posted unless you ask me to in the message.
2. Your name won't be posted, either, unless you request I do so.
3. I get a lot of these, and I'm really lazy, so don't expect a personal response to your letter. Usually, I'll just put some comments (or smart-assed remarks) under your message when it's put on the page.
4. No one's tried yet, but if anyone tries to get this page taken down like the Mr. T vs. Marylin Manson pages, just know that Tripod has no reason to call this a "hate/defamation" page, and even if they do, I have internet accounts at Geocities, Crosswinds, Talkcity, and FortuneCity, so It'll be back up within the hour. Ha...
5. Any spelling/grammar errors will be shown as I got them, so run the ol' spell checker before you send me anything.
Now, let's get to the stuff. (Warning: Don't proceed unless you feel like doing a lot of reading)


1. People Who Didn't Agree With Me (Negative) (8 messages)

2. People Who Agreed With Me (Positive) (27 messages)

3. Uhhhhh... No... (Wierd) (2 messages)

4. Responses to a few things from the guestbook

SECTION 1: People Who Didn't Agree With Me...

Number 1:
Date: Mon, 1 Mar 1999 17:21:54 EST
Subject: you suck

metallica does what songs they want for them, not for posers like you,  they have been that way from the beggining. If you were a true metallica fan you should probably know that. and they don't wear makeup, to me you seem just like another poser who goes along with the trendy idea that "MetallicA sold out dude!".Oh yeah, and the Mr. T thing is real cool, yeah right.  Who will you write a story about next time, stone Austin and Nirvana? (address removed), and write me back if you thik you can defend yourself

This is the first one I ever got, so I went ahead and mailed the guy back. Heh. Apparently, I did "thik" I could defend myself...

Just got your message, and no offense, but it was kinda funny. As far asthe "trendy poser" cracks (not to be a dickhead, but "poseur" is the preferred spelling) you made and the stuff about being a real Metallica fan, you shouldn't make comments you know nothing about. Unlike most people my age, I had been a serious Metallica fan since my brother let me hear the $5.98 EP when I was seven years old. I'm not one of the usual people who saw the "Enter Sandman" video and hopped on the bandwagon, then hopped off when Metallica wasn't considered "cool" anymore. Honestly, the Black Album was the point where I began losing interest in Metallica. And the "Metallica sold out" stuff was by no means being trendy. I thought Metallica was selling out from about thirty minutes after I bought Load from my cousin for three bucks. (I also found out why he only sold it for only three bucks) You see, the reason I started liking Metallica was because they were REAL in a time when the only thing available was fake, poofy-haired cock rock. Some time between 94 and 96, Metallica quit being real. They went from being a band that rebelled against all the trends of the 80's to following those of the 90's. They went from having important, meaningful lyrics to having meaningless, generic ones. They went from being a band so amazing that no one compared to them to being a band that imitated others. They went from playing with their hearts to playing with their wallets. And I'd just like to inform you that Kirk and Lars have worn makeup in a few interviews I've seen, as well as in a few pictures in the Load booklet, and the "Until it Sleeps" video. As for the usual "they play what they want to play" argument, (you worded it as "metallica does what songs they want for them", but I'm pretty sure that's what you meant) any band since the beginning of time plays what they want to play, but as a colleague of mine once said, "It's their motives as to WHY they would want to play that stuff that are under attack." I call it as I see it, and as I see it, Metallica's motives are to play what the MTV-viewing general public wants to hear and to make as much money as possible in a short span of time. I feel insulted, I feel betrayed, and THAT's why I believe they sold out. As for some other stuff you said, Mr. T vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin has already been made, and a Mr. T vs. Nirvana page just wouldn't be very funny. And yes, Mr. T is cool.

P.S. - Next time you send someone hate mail, let me give you some advice. There are these amazing concepts called "grammar" and "spelling." Learn how to use them.

Number 2:
Date: Wed, 10 Mar 1999 20:00:12 -0600
Subject: BLATANT BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! t\

I woul just like to tell you that although your little site was funny, you still suck. Actually, I cant say I hate you, I just think you suck because of what you put on your site. The only damn reason that they even became a band was to get money and get laid. That is why most people even form a band. Secondly, you should not bash someone for the sole reason that they cut their hair. It just means they where tired of having bad hair days. So before making another deroggatory web site, consider the reason that anyone joins a band. For that matter, why does anyone do any thing? CASH AND WOMEN.

P.S- Except for a cartoon that comes on 5:00 on saturday morning, the transformers are dead. let them stay that way.

Ha. This guy apparently has no concept of ANYTHING, it appears. First, I wasn't bashing them For cutting their hair, I was bashing them for suddenly changing styles to fit the trends they had spent so many years avoiding and often ridiculing in interviews. I could care less If they started looking like Elton John, if the music wasn't so fake now. As for the "cash and women" crap, something tells me this guy listens to a lot of Poison albums and has no concept of musical or artistic integrity. Believe it or not, almost every decent band out there is in it for the music, and the money is just a means to an end, while the women is just one of the little perks. In conclusion, I'll just say that the last part showed how weak his argument was, and how desperate this guy apparently got. Now, to be a smart-ass, the Transformers are still alive, making millions for Hasbro with two toy lines (Beast Wars and Animorphs) , two popular television shows (also Beast Wars and Animorphs), an upcoming one on Fox (Beast Machines), as well as two comic book series beginning in a few months (one for Beast Wars and one for the original 80's Transformers). Uninformed people shouldn't say things that make themselves look stupider than they already do...

Number 3:
Date: Wed, 7 Apr 1999 18:01:02 EDT
Subject: metallica rule

metallica kick ass and can play anything you ugly son of a bitch

Well... There's only one way I can respond to this oh, so intelligently written letter: AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Anyway... I sincerely hope this guy isn't from an English-speaking country, and if he is, I hope for his sake that he's 8 years old or younger. The "ugly son of a bitch" crack is hilarious, as this guy has never seen me in his life. Just desperation from having such a weak argument, I suppose...

Number 4:
Date: June 6, 1999
Subject: Metallica's selling out?

First of all, I did enjoy your site. I am a long time metallica fan since "Kill Em' All." I also like the "new" Metallica. I think that aband that thinks about their music and adapts is far superior compared to one that does not. I think that the new Metallica has evolved into a timeless style of music. I don't think that they have gone alternative for the sake of being tendy. All of the menbers of Metallica decided to do their own thing. Lars and Kurt studied art and developed a more modern look. Jason persued other musical projects, while James became interested in dangerous sporting activities. The result was an evolved band. I don't think that they just decided to go alternative. Anyway, I just wanted to get this off of my chest. Not that you really care anyway...

Ahh... Finally someone who can defend newer Metallica and not sound like an idiot. While it kinda disappoints me that I can't make fun of this letter, I must say that it pretty much restored my faith in mankind. This made the other message I got the same day that much more disappointing...

Number 5:
Date: June 7, 1999
Subject: fuk u

you hate metallica i saw you fucking stupid ass web site saying metallica sux well you suck you jackass mutha fucka go ahead and e-mail me back and we can keep fighting through e-mail you cock sucka

Well, there went my faith in mankind... Another case of "I can't write and I have absolutely no argument, so I sure stuck it to the guy who made that page" in this poor bastard's head. I never said I hated Metallica, I just don't like their newer material (I'll save the "sellout' stuff for a different argument). I also need to say that if this mark thinks I'm going to waste my precious time fighting over e-mail with a guy whose biggest argument is that I suck, he better not hold his breath waiting. Also, I have to say that the simple act of trying to pick a fight with someone over e-mail has to be the lamest thing I've ever been privy to...

Number 6:
Date: June 16, 1999
Subject: Misconceptions...

Although your apparent hatred of metallica's current style of music is somewhat well-founded on certain points, you missed out elsewhere.
When you say that, "They went from being a band that rebelled against all the trends of the 80's to following those of the 90's," you fail to understand that any trends set in the 90's are due largely to metallica.  Therefore, any standards that you think metallica should be following are currently being made by metallica themselves.  Hetfield put it best when he said that metallica has a "carte blanche," giving them the freedom to create or perform just about any kind of music that they wish.  Last time i heard, this is what artists dream of, the ability to choose exactly what you want to play, when you want to play it.
While i don't deny that metallica has changed (only an idiot would do so), any truly great band will do so.  The energy that the initial metallica albums held is very hard to maintain over decades, and as the band members age, the bottled teen angst will eventually dissipate.  Along with this energy change, the song lyrics undergo a similar metamorphasis.  Earlier tracks focused upon death, political injustice, war, etc, were fueled by metallica's energy, but with the loss of this energy, the song material must also change.  Thus, the appearance of the love ballads and whatnot, more in tune to the aged rockers.  While I can understand those that think metallica "sold out," since their style has changed and they have lost that edge to their music, i personally do not feel that they have done it for the soul purpose of money.  Money plays its role, but they have been one of the most openly supportive bands towards their fans (web site, free concerts, etc.) and as Hetfield put it, "This is all that we know."  So if music is all that they know, wouldn't "selling out" endanger that very lifestyle that they have cultured, their only means of support?
So they've experimented.  Zeppelin did it, Floyd did it, and Metallica is just carrying on the tradition.

Ah, my faith in mankind has returned. While this guy did manage to make some good points, he did kinda miss a few things. The statement that "any trends set in the 90's are largely due to Metallica," seemed to be implying that while they were following trends, they were following were a result of their own music, so it didn't really matter. However, the trends Metallica has adhered to recently had little to do with anything Metallica had done. In Load, they
tried to go for the early 90s "grunge" sound (I won't say alternative, because anyone with musical knowledge outside of what MTV tells them knows, that stuff is not really alternative) which was mainly a result of bands like Alice in Chains. Lars Ulrich has always said that AIC is one of his favorite bands, so there is a possible explanation for it. With Reload, the true hypocrisy that made most of the older fans finally give up was shown as many of the songs seem to be patterned after the same mid-eighties glam-rock such as Motley Crue which was what Metallica was so against from the very beginning. The "openly supportive of their fans" thing was also a point I didn't agree with. In recent years, more and more stories of fans being snubbed by the band members other than Jason Newsted are surfacing, and most I have come in contact with who have been around the band agree that James, Lars, and Kirk have become completely unapproachable. While I can understand a famous rock band not wanting to be bothered by legions of crazed kids, the almost total disregard of them is inexcusable. In interviews, Kirk has made the statement that their older fans can "fuck off" and that "we never needed them;" another inexcusable act. It can be frustrating to have the word "sellout" tossed your way by music listeners, but he could've at least acted with the class that others show when in the same situation. Also, the Metallica fan club charges more for a membership than any other band fan club I've heard of. In fact, while the Metallica Club charges about fifty dollars, most others are free. As for the free concerts, all the ones I've heard about have taken place in very small venues where not many people can attend, and these usually have major corporate sponsorship from companies like Blockbuster or MTV. Of course, even with all I've said here, this guy probably did have the strongest argument so far.

Number 7:
Date: October 25, 1999
Subject: Enlighten yourself! read the damn email!

As a partial metallica fan, i'd like to raise the question?
"Do you play a musical instrument other than your organ?"
Well if you do, and experiment your talent by playing some of metallica's newer music, you'll realize that, the have evolved into a more musically complex band. Now sure, music may be complex and shit, however metallica have achieved some of the greatest riffs I've heard and played in my musical career (12 years, butthead!). Sure, you might then say I have haven't had enough experience in the music industry, and (or) you might then attempt to criticise my grammer or spelling. With metallica's expanding knowledge of musical techniques they have realized that they can diverse there songs, instead of a range of todays bands who still follow the shitty' hammer-on, slide, power-chord and some crappy no heart solo.

Metallica write songs which do have meaning like their older music, However they have left the machine-gun bullet belts, and jackets behind and have followed the eighties.

You claim they have sold out. Hah! What do you mean by 'selling out'? they changed and followed there own path pal, not a path chosen by their producer.

In an article surrounding metallica, James quoted,

"We changed musically because we eventually disliked the 80's metalhead motif, To the people who say we sold out, get the fuck outta' here!"

PS There are some areas I do agree with you though, songs from load; 'ronnie', 'thorn within', '2X4' and 'poor twisted me', along with Reloads; 'attitude', 'Prince charming' and 'Better than you' are songs which lack any inspiration in my part, however, have you actually analysed the other songs from load? if you haven't, find them and listen to the song whilst reading them and you'll finally realize that their songs are actually quite good

I wouldn't have typed such a lengthy email if i wasn't so passionate about the band, but I have to get through to you uneducated fans, One by one, one by one.

By the way, your Mr.t Page(s) sux! Get a life, HAH! you probably like Megadeth, loser!

PPS I've got one, call me officer, PUNK!

Fist off... Megadeth?? Eww... Anyway, this guy might have had a good argument, but his "I'm so much better than you, you poopy butt" demeanor takes most of the weight out of anything he says. Now, for the response.
1. No, I don't play any instruments, but I don't see how playing an instrument would make me like the band any more. Half the people I know have been musicians for anywhere from 5 to 20 years, and virtually all of them agree that since "Justice," Metallica has lost it.
2. They didn't evolve, they changed suddenly, when they found out that people didn't like what they had been doing.
3. They have achieved some good riffs, but not in the last ten years.
4. Calling me a "butthead" will not do anything but make your argument look bad.
5. You misspelled "grammar." (Well, he was asking for that one)
6. Following pop trends a few years too late isn't a good way to diversify your sound.
7. How can you criticize solos, when you're defending a band whose solos consist of generic wah-wah pedal "solos" that make most serious musicians either laugh or look down at the ground and shake their heads disapprovingly? Kirk Hammett's solos were once creative and in some cases, simply amazing. Now, he's doing the kind of stuff you usually hear in lame-ass bar bands who play grunge covers.
8. Meaning? If someone can tell me what the line, "Down on the sun, down to no fun, down and out where the hell ya been?" means without being completely full of crap, they win a cookie. I mean, hell.... Have you listened to the lyrics of "The Unforgiven II"? They wrote a song based mainly on a video they did in 1991. That's just sad. Occaisonally, a song will have some meaning, but you can't expect a whole lot when a band that used to spend two years writing eight song albums switches to writing close to twenty in a six-month period.
9. By selling out, I mean when a band intentionally changes styles to fit trends that will sell more than their older style of music. Examples could be Sugar Ray, Machine Head, The Offspring, or METALLICA.
10. Actually, I believe Lars has stated that Bob Rock (their producer) had a major hand in the band's new direction.
11. You can't really go by what a band member says, because no one ever says "yeah, we sold out," until five years later, on their VH1 "Where are They Now?" special. Although Lars and Jason have both uttered the line "Yeah, we sold old. Every show is sold out," basically admitting and bragging that what they did was for monetary gains.
12. I own and have listened to Load and Reload thoroughly, over and over, the act of a disillusioned Metallica fan trying to convince himself that the new stuff wasn't as awful as it really was. For about a month, I listened to Load nonstop, trying to force myself to like it. And aside from the month when my father died, or the month after my girlfriend dumped me, I'd have to say it was the worst month of my life. Needless to say, I didn't realize that any of the songs were quite good.
13. Uneducated fans? I was listening to Metallica when I was seven, and I did a research paper on the badtards in the eleventh grade. If anything, being so educated about the band has made me even sicker when watching their new, glam actions than a normal betrayed fan would be.
14. Heh... He said my page sucked, when he was too pissed that someone would make a joke about a band he liked to see any of the humor. People with no sense of humor suck much more than those who make fun of bands, in my opinion. (Also, spelling the word "sux" is most likely the sign of an MTV-brainwashed Korn fan, but that's a whole different argument.)
15. Once again: Megadeth?? Ewww!
In conclusion: Nice try, slappy, but no soup for you.

Number 8:
Date: November 9, 1999
Subject: (none)

First thing i have to say to u is that u suck!  If u really think metallica is a good group u would like them all the time and not just when they were hardcore trasher metal.  IF they were to stay trasher metal they would suck.  and about being a sell out yes they sell out every place they play every time.  another thing mr.t is old news no body likes him any more(he's a loser that's a really good example of a sell out) and u have some problems if u think that he is cool.  another thing who r u to tell people that metallica sucks!  They have been a band sence like 1982(i know there 1st thing came out in 1983).  they r one of the greastest rcok bands ever.

Wow... Pro-Metallica hate mail written by someone who can't spell or use grammar of any form. Why am I not surprised? Anyway... I'll use the item-by-item approach to this one, because It makes it even easier to clown on these dolts...
1. I suck? You're the one who got personally offended by a joke page, junior.
2. I USED to think Metallica was a good group, until they started playing commercial crap. By your logic, if I had been a fan, I would have to stay a fan if they turned into a techno-polka band that only played Slim Whitman covers. This blind devotion to a band ("baaaaaaa") is the only explanation I can think of for people to still support a washed up band like Metallica.
3. If they were to stay thrash, they would suck? Well, it couldn't be much worse than the glam-pop they subject us to now.
4. Ah, the common sellout defense. Here's a few other groups who sell out every place every time: The Spice Girls, The Backstreet Boys, Korn, 98 Degrees, and Britney Spears. So by your logic, all those groups play hardcore, non-commercial, underground music? (heh) Basically, all the statement you made says is "yeah, we sold out, and you idiots bought it."
5. No one likes Mr. T anymore? I'm not sure, but I think there may be more Mr. T websites than Metallica ones. And if you only like recent things, you get stuck with crap like Metalliglam, so liking something that's old news can be a good thing. I'm still trying to figure out what the HELL you think Mr. T sold out for, and I must say that anyone who gets offended when a band he has nothing to do with is the butt of a joke has more problems than I can imagine.
6. Who am I to tell people that Metallica sucks? A disenchanted former fan who actually thinks for himself and has the taste in mjusic to know how bad the new crap is.
8. Actually, they've been a band since 81, and I still don't see how them being around since then fits into your weak-ass argument.
9. They were one of the greatest bands ever. In terms of the first four albums, maybe THE best. But right now, they're in that "fallen legend that embarrasses everyone" phase much like where Kiss is right now and where Iron Maiden was a couple years ago.
In conclusion: Thanks for giving me a good laugh.

SECTION 2: People Who Like the Page:

Number 1:
Date: March 2, 1999
Subject: (none given)

I saw your page and read the critics of that fan who wrote you, and I think that he is so blind and deff that he can't even distinguish the sound of a cow from the voice of his own mother. I think metallica fans love them so much that even if they start playing techno music, they will enjoy it as much as they did before. well, it's not correct, I love Metallica too but I recognize that their music sucks now, and I can't keep saying that they're the best thrash band in the world. They were, I'm sure of that, but now they can't be because they don't play thrash, they play music for suckers like that one who wrote you... Great page, I adored your critic man...

ASS: Pedro (Portugal)

p.s.- to confirm whtat i'm saying listen to Garage inc. disc1 and disc2, only a suckha can't notice the difference between old and new Metallica

I thought it was kinda funny... This guy is from Portugal, yet he speaks much better English than the retard who wrote that first letter. As for the Garage Inc. thing, I must say that while disk 2 (the old stuff) was one of the best things I own, disk 1 (the new stuff) almost made me sick...

Number 2:
Date: March 6, 1999
Subject: funny site

I was looking for tabs for stone cold crazy because my band was gonna cover it for a school event (it was a special request), when I saw this site on the list for metallica sites. I just had to check it out just for the hell of it, and it's pretty damn funny! Oh wait, this is supposed to be hate mail, uh, I don't think metallica were kidnapped by aliens, I think Bob Rock brainwashed them and they are really puppets of his. Yeah, I'd like to see some more stuff, and I don't want Jesse Ventura as president, that just worries me. Oh yeah, if your gonna post my email address, have it be melvins1@hotmail.com, the other one's my parents address, and I'm sure they don't want to recieve mail from a bunch of dumb kids saying metallica rules, even though they are just your average trendy band now. They were the first band I really liked, and I find it increadibly depressing to see the direction they chose to go in. Oh well, at least the melvins aren't like that, if they were, I think I'd have to kill myself.


I share the same depression over Metallica's new direction sometimes... Otherwise, I made sure not to put his parents' e-mail addy...

Number 3:
Date: March 9, 1999
Subject: No subject

Hey man, this isn't hate mail, I just couldn't figure out another way to send you mail. I gotta tell ya, that Metallica thing made my day so much brighter. I actually believe now that somewhere, in the deep dark nether-regions of space there exists a foul race of alien creatures that has kidnapped our beloved metallica and replaced them with a cheap imitation robot version. I truly can't understand why anyone would get offended by this, it's all done in good humor. Whatever, some people can't take a joke. I'm avidly awaiting the Pantera episode. I wonder how many people knew that the heaviest band ou there was once a pussy rock band....


The Mr. T vs. Pantera page is kinda on the backburner now, but I hope to have it done eventually. Right now, Mr. T vs. Mick Foley is taking my time, and Mr. T vs, False Metal is also in the works. I'm thinking of making T vs. False Metal tie into T vs. Pantera somehow, like Bizarro T tied into T vs. Galvatron. Time will tell...

Number 4:
Date: March 10, 1999
Subject: Your page is brilliant!

This is one of the funniest pages I've ever seen.  Mr. T is very cool and always will be.  Keep up the good work.  Just in case your wondering I'm not a typical Metallica fan (Like the guys who saw the sandman Video etc..) I got lightning in 3rd grade and was a fan till the time Metallica/Load came out. They really suck now and I'm glad T kicked their asses.

My thoughts exactly...

Number 5:
Date: March 16, 1999
Subject: nice metallica page!

i thouht it was funny. i'm a huge fan, but you have the right to your fun. don't let them get to ya. oh yeah, it wasn't a counrty song .it's a old irish drinking song. and to all the dumbasses gettin mad at me my frist  taste of metallica was load. so shut up and have some fun. metallica would think it's funnt, too.

Finally a Load-person with enough of a sense of humor to take a joke. (You people realize this page is a joke, don't you?) For the record, the "country song" reference wasn't in regards to "Whiskey in the Jar," it was a reference to "Mama Said," which is undeniably country. You can't be right all the time, I suppose. Thew final thought there is something people don't realize when they get personally offended by this page. Metallica may be money-grubbing scum now, but I bet even they would get a kick out of the page if they saw it. It is, after all, just a joke.

Number 6:
Date: March 29, 1999
Subject: hey, man

hello.  i really enjoyed your page of metallica vs. Mr. T.  Well, i don't really have any complaints, and this isn't hate mail, but i wish you would post it anyway.  I can definately recognize the difference between the old and new metallica.  At my school, there is kind of a faction the goes with the new metallica and there is one that goes with the old.  The new met.  fans are the ones that weat Jncos with chains and are all grungy and stuff.  the old ones are just being themselves, wearin what they want to, and listening to other kinds of music that isn't always metallica and only metallica.  that guy that sent you the hatemail letter is kindof a freak.  i though the way you replied was very classy and dignified.  well, cool chattin, but i gotta go.
Jonathan from Mississippi

(Mississippi? I wonder if I know that guy...) Just a thought: 20 bucks says that in 5 years, the Jnco-wearing, chain wallet-toting Load fans will not only no longer like Metallica when MTV sets their sights elsewhere, but they will also look and act completely different as other trends fade away. Sad, really.

Number 7:
Date: April 16, 1999
Subject: Met v. T

Hey, just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your Met vs. T story.  Someone posted the url on the Galactic Cowboys web board (not saying what it was about, just saying it was hella funny) and he was right.  I thought your use of Jesse Ventura, the Teletubbies & Cliff Burton were particularly clever.



Although I haven't really heard much of their newer stuff, anyone who frequents a Galactic Cowboys website is automatically pretty cool. As for the Jesse, Teletubbies, and Cliff thing, it's always been one of the signs of a good T vs. page to have as ridiculous a situation as possible. Personally, I kinda liked the Megatron guest appearance, myself :)

Number 8:
Date: April 16, 1999 (Two in one day! Whoo!)
Subject: Metallica fan, and I love it!

I just got done reading the "Mr. T vs. Metallica" story of yours.  I love it.  I am a huge Metallica fan, and it always bothers me to see pussies who can't take a joke.  I completely understand why you have the ideas that you do.  Here'e why:
The first song I ever heard was the typical "Enter Sandman."  I had no musical preference back then, but I liked it.  I was a kid who didn't even know who Metallica was.  The next time I heard a Metallica song was five years later, when a friend bought a brand-new copy of Load for me.  I liked the style.  So I went searching around and got my hands on all the Metallica I could find.  I was surprised when I heard the difference between "Kill 'Em All" and "Load."  But I listen to every kind of music with the exception of Teen pop and country.  So I liked them all.  To make a long story short, I now have 20 imports singles, a tribute album, all the videos, a shirt, 3 posters, and of course, all the regular albums.  I grew into their new style before the old, so I didn't really notice the point at which they "sold out" until I listened to all the others.  The reason why all you people hate them now is because of that style change.
One point you made was that Metallica fans would follow them into techno if they did it.  I know it was just a comment, but I really would not.  In fact, if they get any more of that pop/rock type sound that they got into, I will no longer be the huge fan that I am.
I am only writing this because I feel like I have to rescue the reputation of those few Metallica fans who are actually intelligent.  Please don't print that stuff that they send you, it makes me look bad (just kiddin).
I appreciate the humor, I understand how you feel, but I like them just the same.  Metallica's cool, old and new.  Thanks for listening.

Trying to save the reputation of Load-fans may be a lost cause to some people, but it is indeed a noble effort. At least in the process, this guy separated himself from the retarded majority like the guy who wrote that first letter. Once again, this is someone who still likes the band, but is intelligent enough to realize that it's a JOKE, and not some sort of blasphemy. If only the others could be like him...

Number 9:
Date: April 19, 1999
Subject: positive comment

I thoroughly enjoyed your Mr.T vs. Metallica series - and feel that this theory of the group,at some point around '92 or '93, being abducted by aliens makes more sense than about anything else that I've heard.  And I like the eay Megatron made a cameo.  Very smooth.

Long live Mr. T!

-justin woodard

Heh... The Megatron appearance was one of my favorite parts, and finally somebody mentions it positively. Now, I can die happy...

Number 10:
Date: May 2, 1999
Subject: Your Page rocks

Hey man, my name is Rafael and I'm from Curitiba, Brazil. The first Metallica Cd i ever listened was the Black Album. Then my friends told that the best was behind. Now, I have all the records, includinhg the Garage inc. I thought they were trying to become Metal again, but today I saw a Metallica concert in the brazilian MTV and I agree with everything you said on the return mail to that first guy. That's why my only favourite band is Iron Maiden, that are trying to be faithful to their fans, which Lica (that's my suggestion for the new name, since they're not metal anymore) weren't.

Is it just me, or does everyone from a non-English speaking country who writes me speak better English than those who don't like the page? The idea of changing the name because they are no longer a metal band is one that has been had by many... However, most who suggest them use another substance in place of "Metal," and it's usually one I can't say on a family page, heh.

Number 11:
Date: May 5, 1999
Subject: Mr. T vs. Alien Metallica website

All I have to say is Mr.T kicks ass!!!! As Mr. T would say,  "I pitty the fool who bought the past few Metallica albums!!!!!!!!!!SUCKAS!!!!!"

Hee hee hee...

Number 12:
Date: May 28, 1999
Subject: funny page

hey dude, that's an awesome page you have it's pretty funny, and i pitty the foo who dosesn't think it's funny keep up the good work cause mr. t lives


][]D ][] ][]\/[] ][]D

Heh... I don't have anything to say other than that "pimp" thing at the bottom ruled completely...

Number 13:
Date: June 13, 1999
Subject: Damn funny!


Just gotta mention that your Metallica vs. Mr. T thing was great. About time a real badass showed those fools where to go.  And the Megatron cameo, brilliant!  Here's to Mr. T kicking sellout ass for a long, long time.

Only one thing I wish was included.  Dave Mustaine from Megadeth giving Kirk Hammett a couple of good kicks to the ribs. Ah well, can't have it all!  Good stuff, I'll check out the other matchups for sure.

Steve Jeffery
you can put my email if you want (It's mega@bsev.com )

YES!! someone else points out the Megatron cameo! Life is really good now... As for the Dave Mustaine thing, I'd rather see someone with a little more meat on their bones doing the kicking; maybe Kurt Windstein or Greg Hall. But that's just me, I guess...

Number 14:
Date: June 26, 1999
Subject: Cool

Those suckas who slag off your page don't know what they are talking about. Don't they realise that you don't give a toss what they think? If they think? Keep it up.


P.S: feel free to tell them that address. I enjoy slagging off assorted idiots!

Heh... I've also often wondered my self if some of the people who write me think... Speaking of which, the people I just mentioned now have your email addy, so they can stun you with such verbal poetry as "u suck cok" and "ur a poser." Have fun :)

Number 15
Date: July 12, 1999
Subject: LOVED IT

loved it
I saw the page twice
and who knows...maybe the fake metallica exists .The burton`s part kewl. I always say that metallica are what they are today cause of jason
Keep rockin...

Uhh... I have to disagree with guy on something... As anyone can plainly see, Jason Newsted probably has less input into what Metallica does than I do. Sometimes, i really get the feeling that he hates his life and wants nothing more than to go back to Flotsam and Jetsam, but that's another story... Heh...

Number 16:
Date: July 14, 1999
Subject: Props

This site is outstanding!!
This is a humorous site, right?  What kind of morons take this kind of thing seriously?  Aren't there enough real injustices in the world for us to expend our energy on?
Even discounting all the work that must have gone into it, the whole concept is just great.  The Teletubbies thing was a stroke of genius. If you ever do a sequel, have Barney beating up the robots, meaning, of course, that even Barney could beat Metallica in their current incarnation--which is, of course, true.
I am a drummer and Metallica fan and came across your site while searching for a good picture of Lars on his early 9 pc. set (not the lame one he has now--I have a 12 pc. set).  I basically agree with the things you say about the band.
Myself, I haven't purchased a Metallica CD since 'Metallica'.  Even on that one, there are only about 5 songs that I really like (my favorite being 'Sad But True').
The original thing that attracted me to the band was the aura of raw power that was projected through the music.  That, as you well know, is sorely lacking now, and has been for quite some time.
Keep up the good work and don't stop.  Even if Metallica had remained true to their origins, this would still be a great site.
Thanx for the chuckles!!

Don R. McCann, Jr.
     Internal Support Help Desk
      "I can do all things through Christ,
                  who strengthens me."

This guy makes a point I've been trying to make ever since I started the mail page. Why would anyone be offended at this thing? I mean, it claims the current Metallica is a bunch of robots who were created by the Teletubbies to take over Earth, and are beaten up by Mr. T and the newly-unfrozen REAL Metallica. How do you take that seriously? Man, that's odd... Another thing that struck me as odd was the thing about Lars's drums: Is it just me, or does his drum set get smaller every year? In 1989, he had a big-ass setup with a million cymbals and like 7 bass drums (maybe an exaggeration, heh), but the last time I saw him, he was using something that looked a lot like the Smurfs drum set my cousin had at one point... I guess you don't need as many drums once you've regressed to only knowing two beats, heh. (Damn, I'm mean) I've also noticed that lack of power he mentioned. Not just the "oh, they're not heavy, dude" stuff, but they seem to have lost any sense of purpose in what they're doing... It's like they've given up on trying to play their hearts out, say anything meaningful, or put any effort into what they do, and instead, have turned to playing whatever they can think up in 6 months. Interesting note: From what I've heard in band interviews, Load and most of Reload (albums totalling 27 songs) were written in about 6 months, while Master of Puppets took about 2 years, although only containing 8 songs. That should tell you something...

Number 17:
Date: July 18, 1999
Subject: im with you

i must say that i enjoyed your page (and checking out how you bashed those poseurs). i know people who loved metallica after the black album, and are still on there dicks, and argue that load is better then ride the lighting (my personal favorite) and i almost wanna kick they're ass but then i just figure why waste my time. great page, great humor, great fun! keep up the good.
Ps-post my address, I like to verbally bash poseur's! ( Death4881@aol.com )

While it did shock and sicken me that some retards actually think Load is better than Ride the Lightning, the main thing that stuck out to me about this letter is this: He managed to spell "poseur" correctly every time he said it! Yes! I'm not the only one who knows how to spell it! There is a God! Heh... I don't know if you've noticed, but it really bothers me when metal-people misspell poser, as well as words like "cannibal," "emperor," and "Sepultura." I'm just kinda picky with my spelling, heh.

Number 18:
Date: August 10, 1999
Mr. T vs. Metallica site (a few comments)


I just visited your site(Mr. T vs. Metallica). Personally,I think it's funny as hell. Being a Metallica fan(but one that's at least half-intelligent), I can still laugh at it. Metallica themselves would probably laugh at it,too.

But I have a question about something. In one of your responses to a person's e-mails, you said something about Kirk saying (numerous times?) that Metallica's older fans can 'fuck off' and 'we never needed them anyway'. Did he -really- say that? I've been wondering on that ever since I read it. If he really did say that, please tell me what show/radio-station he said it on or when he said it? I want to know if it's true.


I know I've seen that quote (or a similar one) on at least two occaisions, but I don't remember exactly when or where. I'm currently in the process of going through a bunch of old magazines, websites, interviews, etc. to find out the exact details. Honestly, it is really bothering me to think that it's possible that I might have written something inaccurate, and I'll make sure to put something here as soon as I find out where it came from.

Number 19:
Date: August 26, 1999
Subject: Cool page, amny valid points...

    I am a Metallica fan. I only listen to the old stuff, though. I agree with you about the consistent downward spiral(pardon the term, but I hate NIN too...), especially in the instrumentalism of the recent albums. It just looks like Metallica has gotten lazy with the guitar and drum work. I love the double-bass drum action on "Justice" and the multiple solos that used to be prevalent on nearly every song. Their lyrics on the older albums used to mean something, too. All that appears to be lost now. I would like to know what bands you consider to be on the cutting edge of metal today. I'm sick of hearing Korn, Zombie, Limp Bizkit, Kid Cock, and all those other pretenders on the radio. I do like Slayer's newest, though, and I don't know what everyone is complaining about in regards to that. I would like to complement you on your website and your legitimate complaints about Metallica.

Basically, this guy makes the same complaints as just about every disenchanted ex-Metallica fan. Simply put, they just don't try anymore. As for the cutting edge of metal today, I'm probably not the one to ask. I think I'm just a little too picky. Massive numbers of death metal, black metal, industrial, and MTV neo-glam "mall metal" seem to be what everyone's talking about, but on very rare occaisions is any of it oringinal in the least or really that good at all. Of the younger groups I've heard lately, the Deftones had a very original sound, but it's been copied, commercialized, and basically ruined by scores of groups like Korn, Godsmack, and Coal Chamber, all of which, I could do without, and as a side effect, it's helped to make me sick of the Deftones, as well. Of all of them, System of a Down may be the only band to use that style and not screw it up lately. Six Feet Under is one of the only death metal bands I can stand, but that really isn't saying much. Even if it's good, you can only stand the same three songs over and over so many times... Although they can't really be considered metal, Honkeyball is one of the first bands to come out in a while that's really impressed me, and it's not surprising that not many people have heard of them. Clutch could be a valid comparison, who themselves could be considered one of the better groups around today. Fear Factory was once considered "the future of metal," but they seem to be slipping into the role of another watered-down MTV pop-metal group lately. More or less, these days having no imagination or copping out for a dollar are called "innovation," and when a band actually does do something innovative, it's copied (poorly) by so many bands that it's already stale within 6 months. More than anything right now, I mostly stick to whatever a few older groups like Anthrax, Sacred Reich, GWAR, and S.O.D. put out, while waiting for somebody new to come along and impress me, but it don't happen too often. Like I said, I'm way too picky.

Number 20:
Date: August 30, 1999
Subject: mr. t vs. metallica

mr t vs. metallica is one of the kewlest things ive seen in a while and its definitely on e of the funniest

i've got a rebuttal to the "loss of energy" campaign launched by one of the hate mail-ee's. SLAYER IS OLD TOO AND THEY STILL HAVE ENERGY OUT OF THE ASS!!!! (even though the new album sux) ha ha metallica was never really that great in the first place, don't get me wrong i've got every metallica album up until load but there are far better bands out there, i think the whole world needs to qwit arguing over metallica ITS BEEN 7 YEARS FOR CHRIST SAKE, here is a list of good bands: ICED EARTH


"Pessimism, when you get used to it, is just as agreeable as optimism."
-Enoch Bennett

Heh... Slayer's still got a lot of energy, but I'd have to agree with the newest stuff being not unlike musical crap. (I'll save the "M.C. Araya busts the phat rhymes" jokes for later...) Aaaaanyway... Basically, I agree that people should just quit arguing about Metallica all the time. (Yet here I am, the owner of an anti-Metallica site... Damn, I'm a hypocrite) Basically, if you don't like it, don't listen to it, and if you do like it, don't take it as a personal insult when someone else doesn't.

Number 21:
Date: September 5, 1999
Subject: Metallica VS Mr. T...

that stuff is toooooo friggin funny! Keep up the good work.


PS> Try to throw Gary Coleman into a match sometime. That'd rock.

Well, I think Gary Coleman played a major part in the "Mr. T vs. Chuck Norris" page, but that page sucked too bad to even put a link here. (Even compared to MY crappy ones) It's an idea...

Number 22:
Date: September 5, 1999
(no subject)

!!!HeY MaN MeTttaLleCkA RulEz N U SuK!!!

Just kidding, that is hilarious. A friend of mine bought that double CD with hopes of it being good. They should be killed by fierce beating (front row, Anal Cunt concert) for ruining Motorhead and Misfits songs. If they were another band, I wouldn't mind so much, but it's a band that was out to go against the trendy stuff (which they play now)!

A band like Clutch has evolved. Listen to all their stuff ... it sounds different but it's still them. They've gradually veered into jazzier territory, and with the exception of a few hardheaded "C'MON MOTHERFUCKER! PLAY BINGE & PURGE!" lunatics, they've kept the fan base since they're still as Clutch as they've ever been and they haven't made any drastic changes. No big hardship for them if Elephant Riders doesn't go multi-platinum.

But going from fuck-the-world-metal to radio-hit-metal to radio-hit-pop for no reason than the money? Come on ...

And great job with the T-vs-Anthrax page. I wouldn't mind seeing Mr. T vs Puff Daddy or something. I'd argue about the (possible) Pantera one but I can see where people are coming from on that. I've heard the old songs, I've seen the old pictures, and it's pretty bad. I'm a 'new' Pantera fan but I can bet you that'll still be as good as the rest.

If you're going to include an e-mail address, do it to detachedplacenta@excite.com. That's my hate-mail box.




Heh, scared me for a second there... As for Garage, Inc., I must say that the Motorhead songs they did were MUCH better in the original versions (chack out the Overkill and Bomber albums for the non-suck versions), and if I ever hear anyone else say "hey, have you guys heard METALLICA's 'Die, Die, My Darling,'" I'm going to kill somebody. As for the Clutch thing, it's a valid point. There's a major difference between evolution over time and simply deciding one day to go pop. Heh, people are always saying how "Metallica is going to return to their roots," (those idiots usually think the Black Album was their best record) but I have a feeling that the only thing that would cause that is VEnom and Diamond Head getting back together and having top-ten hits, and making Metallica go, "hey, that crap sells now!" I think the T vs. Puff Daddy page has been done, and it's becoming less and less likely that T vs. Pantera will happen in the forseeable future. I'm majorly burned-out on T vs. pages, and it's starting to look like T vs. Mick Foley won't be done any time soon. Oh, well...

Number 23:
Date: September 6, 1999
Subject: mint

I am a metallica fan and i think the website is fucking mint the funniest thing iv seen in years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why, thank you very much.

Number 23:
Date: September 11, 1999
Subject: Mr T VS-----

I really enjoyed your sight.  But I'm not really a Metallica fan and never heard one of their songs so I can't give my opinion, but I'd just like to say how cool it was to see Megatron and the Transformer characters. ((Unicron being my favorite Transformer))  Which I got into TF when I saw TF:TM when I was around 2 or 3.  But I just loved those 3 little wars. ((You can include this in your site and my mail address, being Shawnfett@aol.com though it may change, but unlikely))  ((Also I was wondering who your fav.  TF AND BW Char is))

Heh... Finally a letter purely about the page rather than "The Great Metallica Debate, part 7,000." Myslef, I've had a somewhat unhealthy Transformers obsession since I was about 4 or 5, a couple years before the movie came out. (Which is, in fact, the greatest non-Mr. T movie ever made) As for favorites, with Generation One (or whatever people call it nowadays), my favorite character was probably Ultra Magnus (the guy everyone else HATES), and in Beast Wars, I've always been a big fan of Inferno. ("Buuuuurn!")

Number 24:
Date: September 17, 1999
Subject: Mr. T vs. Metallica

Hehehe... nice job on the web site. I'm not the biggest fan of Metallica (prefering other speed metal bands during that time period: e.g. S.O.D., old Megadeth (another band who has completely and totally sold out these days... whenever I play their last good album, "Rust In Peace", I ask myself, "What happened?"), etc.)... but there is a definite difference of quality between their older stuff and the newer stuff... IMHO the "new Metallica" is loaded with cliches that sound more like the annoying whole post-Seattle-rock trend (Creed is a good example of this) - all the formula of grunge with none of the energy that made grunge great... Old Metallica took you on sonic journeys. Today's Metallica is just background filler for radio ears...

Back in the Ride the Lightning days, nobody would have believed you if you told them Metallica would go on to do a <shudder> Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band cover song!... Let's hope Mr. T can really do his job in 2001!

PS: Who are the people that come up with these occasional misspelled profanity-laddened hate mail messages? They must have a lot of time on their hands. (:


This guy makes a point many people seem to overlook. While Metallica went for the grunge sound, they sucked everything out of it that was why people liked grunge. Basucally, there's nothing wrong with them changing styles, but there is something wrong with changing to a style you SUCK at playing. The Bob Seger cover is another thing that kind of shows the weird state things are in. Everybody said that Garage, Inc. was "a return to Metallica's roots," but not many stop to notice that aside from a few poorly-done Discharge, Mercyful Fate, and Misfits songs, and the obligatory Diamond Head cover, Metallica decided sometime in the mid 90's that they needed a whole new set of roots. (Kinda like how Max Cavalera always went on about how wonderful his roots were, then quit Sepultura to start the 7-millionth Korn cover band) And yes, some people do seem to have too much time on their hands... Especially me :)

Number 25:
Date: October 9, 1999
Subject: Very funny!

I've seen quite a few of your MR. T vs Whoever pages and they are extremely cool and very funny. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Thank you for this public service! I just recently got into Metallica and I think the band is great. I have both ''Load'' and ''Reload'' and I really dig the songs. I haven't really heard a lot of Metallica's earlier material, but I have had the pleasure of listening to tracks like ''Hit The Lights'' and ''For Whom The Bell Tolls''. The energy that these songs exude is unbelievable. I can't wait to get my hands on the old stuff!

Did I mention that your site rocks? Well, it does.  


Wow... You like me... You really like me. Heh. Just for the record, most of the people I've known who liked Load and Reload and later heard the old stuff all of a sudden became some of the biggest "Huh huh... Load sucks, Beavis," types.

Number 26:
Date: October 11, 1999
Subject: Metallica must be stopped

    Amen brother! I bought "Kill 'Em All" when it was a new release. I used to love that band. I followed them right up to the black album (the turning point IMO). Metallica claims artistic license as the excuse for the crap they now produce. I might have believed them if the new music was complex or eclectic in some way. No, the new stuff is bland, simple, and predictable. Some old woman stuttering "da-da-da-da-da" just doesn't impress me. The cover of "Turn the Page" is outright sacrilege. Bob conveyed a very tangible sense of road-weariness. Whether you like that kind of music or not, the original "Turn the Page" was technically perfect. The Metallica version is merely weak, superfluous, and frankly annoying.
    Metallica told the old fans like me to fuck off. How uncool is that? I used to turn people on to Metallica. *I* helped that band achieve a fan base. Now *I* am doing everything I can to turn people off. None of my friends buy their filler anymore. What goes around comes around. Fuck you right back, Metallica.

I agree with basically everything said here, so I really don't know what I can add to it, heh. Another good example of how the change has been for the worse is in their "epic" songs. (Those bigass 8 minute songs) In the old days, they would progress through several riffs and everything worked perfectly together. There would be changes of pace in exactly the right places, and overall, it just sounded good. Listen to "Fixxer." They just recycle maybe three riffs for about 3 each. Wow. It ain't "Orion, " now, is it? Overall, we can just have this thought and rejoice: When Metallica dumped the old fans, they did gain just as many, maybe more new ones. BUT... The new fans they got were the same ones that made Gerardo, Nada Surf, Vanilla Ice, and Snow all major pop stars. My point? Metallica has screwed up worse than they can imagine, and they'll be paying for it in a few years when the MTV support dries up. "Metallica: Where are They Now?" is just a few years away, hopefully.

Number 27:
Date: November 1, 1999
Subject: The Demise of Metallica

Just seen your Mr T Vs Metallica site and couldn't agree more. Okay, they're all getting on a bit (and two of them are fathers) but Metallica really do suck ass.

This just made me think of something. A lot of people use the fact that they're getting old to justify them becoming a Motley Crue cover band. But if you really think about it, groups like Black Sabbath and Motorhead have members with grandchildren, and they really haven't lost much since the 70s. Interesting.

SECTION 3: Uhhhhhh... No...

Number 1:
Date: March 14, 1999

Dear Webmaster,

I was searching the web and found your web site to be of interest to my clients customers. It looks like you get a lot of web traffic and have many products that are of great demand to your customers. By combining our efforts we may be able to increase web traffic going to both of our web sites.

My client site specializes in quality sexual enhancement products. The site is geared toward consumers who want to enhance their sex life. The web site addresses nutritional and psychological aspects of sexuality. My clients site is for adults only and is not pornographic. The site has an online reference guide, free chat site(coming soon), news and information service, free software and links to other sexually interesting resource sites.

The sexual products featured on the site are geared toward the consumer who wants to make an informed decision regarding their sexual issues. Each sexual product is backed by scientific research. On line brochures describe sexual issues, products and research studies in easy to understand terms. Featured products may help or enhance sex, sexual intercourse, impotency and pre-ejaculation. Visitors can browse by product name or by health category.

If you would like me to contact you regarding a profitable alliance between our two web sites please email me so I may forward your name to my client.

Man, this letter freaked me out... All the signs of a form-letter are here, as no specific mentions of my name or the page's name are included, and what are these products and customers of mine that it speaks of? In conclusion, what would someone adverising sexual aids be doing trying to get on a site starring Mr. T and a band whose fanbase consists mostly of people under 18? Man, that's strange...

Number 2:
Date: September 6, 1999
Subject: (no subject)


I'm not even sure if that was even sent in regards to this page, but all I can say to is is, "uhh... okay?"

More coming as soon as you people write me...

Now, check out my responses to a few guestbook entries...