Suddenly, Charlie comes to a stunning realization...

Sargent D's evil plan backfiring on him, leaving a quick and convenient way to end the story within one page? Oh, yeah, I didn't see THAT coming...
Robert Vaughn: Dude! That's not cool!
Narrator: Sorry, man.

Mr. T: Oh, I just realized something... Hee hee hee hee...
Sgt. D: What!!??

Billy: Um... You just said it, man...
Dio: Yeah... Just then.
Sgt. D: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charlie: Damn, that Mr. T is helluva tough!
Danny: I told you guys about my new band, Hemlock, right?
Mr. T: You S.T.D. foohs, ain't so bad after all.
Darryl Hall: BLOOD!!!!

And with that, the evil Sargent D is thrown helluva far, most likely to return when Scott Ian decides to write a third S.O.D. album, 15 years from now.

Mr. T went on to continue his quest to make the world safe for children everywhere.

Ronnie James Dio went on to record several albums that mentioned elves, wizards, or rainbows somewhere in them at least once.

Issac Hayes went on to make sweet love to several more fine, foxy ladies down by the fire.

Scott Ian, Charlie Benante, Dan Lilker, and Billy Milano gave up the international terrorism racket and went back to their day jobs, including Lilker's new band, Hemlock.

Dwight Schultz was left completely out of the story, as an error by the webmaster.

Within six months, Darryl Hall would be jailed for suspicions of mass murder.

THE END
(CREDITS)